Posts tagged Confidence
Posts tagged Confidence
Hello Charlie, by Grandpa Harry
I am your grandfather, Harry. I figure you will be around twelve before your dad forces you to read this, so I am going to speak to you as if you are already twelve.
In the great city of Thebes, the golden scroll of Thoth was unearthed. This would be the same scroll that Isis used to bring Osiris back from the dead … thought I would begin with a real attention grabber! ;)
In reality nobody returns from the dead! So you have to say everything you would like to say to that person while they are alive! So here it goes. You are already getting a great jump into this world because of your parentage, so do not squander it. Let them help you to become the person you desire to be. Do not fear anything that does not hold the capacity to kill you - everyone can take a beating or a bruised ego. Do not confuse love with infatuation. They are two totally different emotions that seem the same. Although I have found that infatuation you feel with your body, while love you feel with your entire being. Find something you’re very good at and go for it with every ounce of vigor you can draw upon. Your dad will explain what vigor is. I think it was a “word of the day” when he was thirteen.
Try to have as many friends as possible, but none who are better looking than yourself. You do not want to catch your girlfriend making out with one of them. Be careful of all your actions towards other people. When you are done living, all you will be is a memory. Whether you are a good one, or bad one, will be up to you!
Now have a good life!!!!!
What Makes People Attractive
Personality, hands down. I know, you are skeptical. Let me share a story with you. ;)
When I was a young Marine I used to work security at a base that was smack-dab in the middle of a nice city. Needless to say, there was a lot of activity at our gates. One day, as would happen frequently, a car broke down just outside the gate. We were nice, and would always walk out to see if we could help.
On this day I approached a little broke down Honda. This woman in her thirties was standing in front of it, dressed like a grade-school teacher with frizzy hair and a large mole on her face. It’s funny, because I actually feel bad describing her like that. You’ll see why, just hang in there.
So I ask her what’s wrong, and she starts explaining with all the confidence in the world in herself. She explains how she doesn’t know much about cars, and comments on how happy she is to have a Marine there to help her out.
“Wow, how lucky I am,” she says. “I get first-rate service from a handsome Marine! I should break down here more often.”
I laughed with her, pushed the car out of the road, and let her know I was at the gate if she needed anything else. She gave me a big smile, thanked me, and spun her hips back and forth with her hands clasped in front of her. I couldn’t help but to look back a couple times as I made my way to the gate, and flash her a smile in return.
I had to admit, the woman had confidence and I was attracted to her. I mean it has been nearly 15 years and I still remember this 10-minute encounter! That’s the power of a good personality Charlie (and confidence, perhaps). Still skeptical? Think about how many homely looking guys you’ve seen with gorgeous women. How about the opposite, beautiful women that act like witches? How many of them have you described as “hot?”
You see? It’s personality. We don’t always know it, but I promise you that’s almost always what determines how attractive someone is. And an attractive personality will last a lot longer than good looks! You can count on it.
This Week’s Guest Blogger - Eva Stoner
I met this week’s guest blogger when I first joined the Marines. I was 19, insecure, and trying to find myself - like a lot of kids I suppose. Eva was another kid who had just joined the Marine Corps, and we happened to be stationed together at the same unit. I did my thing, trying to fit in, getting along where I could. But Eva, she was different. Eva was bold, confident, and she was showing the world who she was.
There was a profound difference between us.
I remember one night I saw Eva walking back from the base club while I was driving around in my patrol car (we were both military police at the time). She was upset, maybe crying. I can’t remember too well. I just remember I told her to hop in and we went for a cruise around the base. Eva knew who she was, and she had probably just run into someone that didn’t appreciate it. But that night, I was just figuring out who I’d be.
I was going to be someone who respected people like Eva - people unafraid to show their true colors and be themselves. Not someone who tried to outcast those people. I couldn’t have made a better choice. Eva is still one of the coolest and most confident people I know. And you’ll see she doesn’t waste time with lofty messages like your old man. She’s direct and to the point, with no reservation. You’ll find it’s good to know people like that.
Ah, and as for that ride. Well we ended up driving the patrol car about a 100 m.p.h. down the base runway (for fighter jets); 1 a.m., windows down, blasting “Free Bird” by Lynryrd Skynyrd.
Good times indeed.
Enjoy this week’s guest blogger Charlie, your dad’s old Marine buddy, Eva Stoner.
Act Like You’ve Been There Before, by Lance
For people like us (I am assuming you will be awesome like me and your father) success and completion is not an unobtainable concept which we are strangers to. We do awesome things, we succeed, we set standards, we don’t follow the crowd, we stand out, and we are role models. Whenever you realize that this has become your life story too, just remember that is who you are. It’s in your blood. So, act like it.
When you do something great, there is no need to gloat or seek approval from others because that is what you are supposed to do. When people do amazing things and feel the need to….act like an idiot in the end-zone with a stupid dance, made popular by some other idiot who had a one-hit-single that was only a hit because it was played in a club for a bunch of drunk college kids to grind their asses on each other, or…..post to Facebook (if it still exists when you read this) comments about everything great they’ve done, or create a song based on the amount of money cash or hoes he/she has…..it only makes them look less accomplished. The real amazing people are those who have others tell their stories.
People like Vince Lombardi, George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, Lance McClanahan, Dakota Meyer, Martin Luther King, Franklin D. Roosevelt, and many others who have numerous biographies written and not one auto-biography. Continue to be great Charlie, and don’t succumb to the desire to be recognized for things you do. Because remember, you’re supposed to be great.
“You Don’t Know Me, You Don’t Know What I’ve Been Through!”
You’ll undoubtedly hear this one day.
Charlie, everyone has challenges in their life and no matter how much people want to measure and compare those challenges, there’s really no way to do that.
What’s tough for you, may be nothing for someone else. On the contrary, what’s easy for you may be very difficult for someone else. We all experience things differently, so there’s no table of difficulty or scientific method you can use to quantify or qualify those experiences.
Therefore, there’s no point in trying to compare them. Son, you will grow up in a comfortable household, with two parents who love you. Another person won’t, but that doesn’t mean they’ve experienced a “tougher” life than you, or that they’re any smarter or better than you - nor you them. Many people will tell you otherwise, especially if that’s all they have to hold onto - the tough life they lived. But their efforts will be wasted, because there is absolutely nothing to be gained from measuring those experiences and stacking them up against yours. Likewise, there’s nothing to be gained from you doing it to someone else.
Comparing your challenges to those of others is a segway to judging them. It’s an unhealthy and ugly thing to do son, and it breeds a lack of confidence. Focus on your own challenges, and take them for what they are worth in your own life. Don’t worry about how they compare to others. It really doesn’t matter.
It’s unfortunate, but there are a lot of parents who can’t handle their kids growing into adults. They become frightened of their kids developing their own distinct personalities, feelings, likes and dislikes, and opinions.
I guess it’s because those parents lack confidence, and worry about how outside influence will change their child’s opinion of them - and their child’s opinion of how he was raised. It’s like they’re afraid of their child “seeing the light,” so to speak.
That’s total B.S. though Charlie, because no parent should aim to keep their child “in the dark” for his or her own benefit.
Your mother and I aren’t having a little clone of us (well, scientifically speaking…). Seriously, we understand you are going to be your own person, and we want you to see things in your own way.
We expect you to teach us things, and we’ll be delighted when you become smarter, more talented, or wittier than us.
There’s no fear here of you becoming your own person, even if you become kind of annoying and arrogant. Whatever, we’ll be honest with you that you’re an ass sometimes, but we won’t abandon you. Whatever you become, whatever opinions you develop, you can count on us to roll with it and treat you as an adult.
This is a given. Something you should expect from any parent.
What Makes a Man.
I’m going to assume that 20 years from now there will still be idiots out there saying what “real men” do and don’t do.
If there are, you should know this Charlie …
Real men don’t worry about what “real men” do. They just do what they want, without worrying about whether it’s “manly” or not. The manliest thing you can do is have the confidence to follow your ambition and be yourself.
Here is an example in case you’re not following me: “Real men don’t use maps!”
You know who doesn’t use a map? Lost men. As a matter of fact, every guy I served with in Iraq and Afghanistan used maps, along with every special operations unit. Are they not “real men?”
You see, only idiots define what a “man” is. And they conveniently describe themselves, and everything they suck at. Or they include all the things they’re insecure about.
From an article on AskMen.com:
"Sure, there are things you can do as a hobby — I like to shoot ducks — but it must have a purpose."
"A real man doesn’t have piercings and long hair, and he doesn’t shave his chest. Manicures, however, are acceptable.”
Seriously, where do these guys come up with this crap?
There’s a reason there’s a period at the end of the header, Charlie, and not a question mark.
Be yourself and be confident about it, and you’ll be more more of a man than 100% of the “men” you meet in life.
How you feel about your wardrobe probably says a lot more about how you feel about yourself, than it does your clothes.
If you are constantly changing and can NEVER find something that looks good, you probably think YOU don’t look good.
In fact, I’d say that’s almost a guarantee.
So what do you do about it? Constantly search for clothes that make you “look good?”
You need to work on how you feel about yourself. That’s a lot harder, but it’s addressing the real issue. Maybe you need to exercise more, or get yourself out of a bad relationship. Perhaps you need to stop lying so much. It could be anything really.
For me it was weight. I would stress about what to wear when your mother and I went out. I had my “favorite shirt” too (that’s actually embarrassing, but it also makes me laugh). However, one summer I went nuts working out and lost about 30lbs. All of a sudden I felt good in everything I put on. People who knew me would even mention how much better I looked.
The funny thing is I really didn’t look that different physically. I think I just felt good about working out, and I was confident. Basically I felt better about myself and it showed.
Charlie, if you find yourself clinging to a “favorite shirt,” look in the mirror and ask yourself what it is you don’t like. It doesn’t have to be your weight - it can be anything. Once you figure it out, put all your effort into that one thing.
I am sure once you get that thing figured out, you’ll have plenty to wear for a long time.
I’ll give you one more example of insecurity and confidence, and this one is important.
Typically, being insecure only hurts yourself. But sometimes it can hurt others. Having confidence is not just about doing well in life. Sometimes it’s about doing what’s right.
The hardest type of insecurity to overcome is the insecurity that prevents you from being the only person to do something.
There’s a guy at my work now, for example. He’s a little different than the rest. He’s pretty smart, he likes arts and rolling his own cigarettes, and talking about science and whatnot. Others reject him sometimes and make fun of him behind his back, because they’re afraid of what it will say about them if they associate with someone so different. Of course, they won’t admit that. In fact, they take it a step further by distancing themselves from him through jokes and aggressive behavior.
Not your dad though. I like that the guy is smart, and a little strange. I enjoy talking to him, and I see that he cares about doing his job well. I don’t hide the fact I like talking to him either, and I openly offer my positive view of his character.
People respect that Charlie. Well, people worth a damn respect that.
Maybe other guys at work will think I’m weird too. Who cares? At the end of the day my work ethic and performance will speak for itself. And if they still think I’m weird, then they’ll have to accept the fact that weird guys can give them a run for their money too. Who knows? Maybe I’ll just lead them away from their own insecurities through my example.
You know, however, you could take my advice and find that you are, in fact, the only person who thinks the way you do, acts the way you do, and enjoys the things you enjoy … like the new guy I mentioned. I believe you’d still live happily though. At the end of the day, it’s about being happy Charlie, not about living with insecurity or living for others.
I want you to live a happy and enjoyable life. So be confident, and show the world how to live fearlessly and as you are, not as who the world wishes you were.